Welcome to the Archive pt2

[tempusfrangit]

fluroesce asked for: Workplace comedy about the hilarious trials and tribulations of being the security force in the most back-water space station of the galaxy.

AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Welcome to the Archive, a library hub platform station owned by the Company Corporation. All visitors please report to the security desk before entering the Archive. Failure to do so will lead to immediate death from our defence sentry turrets. Please do not poke the librarians. Thank you. The Company Corporation.
Welcome to the Archive...

"TOLKIEN" SENIOR LIBRARIAN played by Martin Freeman "The Company need you down in 520. hostiles have been sighted and- ah hello, just taking in the sights are we? Yes, yes of course we can help you with your... homework."

[FROM KING'S on screen interview talking about Senior Librarian TOLKIEN.] That fucking nobjockey hobbit, fucking twatting cu- no, Patterson I didn't mean count. Stop fussing, no I won't put any more money in the fucking swear jar. I'll give you something to really fucking worry about in a minute... what was I talking about? Tolkien. Smug asshole. Steals all the bloody cups too then when I ask him what he thinks he's doing in my sector in the middle of the night he says it's above my paygrade. Like I said nobjockey. Bob likes him, Bob likes everyone though. He's a yank what can, you do? Who's Bob? Bob's my boyfriend.

"WORDSWORTH" LIBRARIAN played by Idris Elba "No comment." "No comment." "What part of no comment do you not understand?" "Get that camera out of my face!"

[From MEYER's on camera interview about WORDSWORTH] What can I say about Wordsworth? He scares me. I mean, what does a librarian need guns for? It's not like they're going to riot. They're just paper. Sometimes King thinks... she can get a bit um, weird at times about the librarians. I don't know though, they're just librarians. Really scary, well equipped, slightly intimidating, muscley librarians but librarians. At least I think they are. I asked Wordsworth what it is he actually does in the Archive, the main Core stacks you know what he said... he said he[whispers] catalogues.

"BRONTE" ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN played by Ruth Negga "Put the man down Coleridge. Don't worry about her." "She's all um, bark?" "Oh no, she'll definitely bite." "Hard." "Um... okay?

[From MEYER's on camera interview about BRONTE] She's nice enough for a Goth, I mean. Goth- ah, her security clearance. It means she's done wet work, I asked her what that means and she said it's when they take the books for a swim. We laughed about that. I don't think they actually take the books for a swim, someone would notice wouldn't they? A bit of library humour er there. Oh god please don't put that in. I'm such an idi- How's Sprinkles? He's doing very well thanks. Should be out of quarantine in about six weeks, yeah... yeah only ate two fingers of the Quarantine lads. That's good for Sprinkles. Hey Bronte, you want to see pictures of my cat.

"COLERIDGE" ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN. played by Karen Gillan. "What is he staring at?" "Who?" "Um boy." "Um boy?" "You know whatshisface. Red shirt." "Red shi-? Oh, Meyers. Don't know why don't you ask him?" "OI TWI-HARD WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?"

[From MEYER's on camera interview about COLERIDGE] Coleridge?! Oh god um, um she's very... shouty. Shouty. Always shouting at me or pointing a gun at me or lifting me up off the floor. She lifted me up off the floor. She LIFTED ME UP OFF THE FLOOR! No Patterson I didn't like it... Well, maybe a little. You can edit that out, right? Oh space, she's going to see this.